This is my gentle reminder to you.
Change your story.
Notice the story you are telling yourself right now.
How?
Start by looking at what you are feeling.
Go. Now. Within.
Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”
Mad?
Sad?
Scared?
Dial down into a specific tone of the feeling you are having.
Frustrated?
Rejected?
Anxious?
Insecure?
Unworthy?
Excited?
Motivated?
Determined?
All those feelings are available to you.
I love my mentor Brooke Castillo’s description of the “Feeling Appetizer Platter”. She describes it as if someone is walking around carrying a platter of “feeling appetizers” and you get to pick and choose.
Anxiousness.
Fear.
Determination.
Commitment.
Anger.
Resentment.
Your choice.
What feeling will I choose from the “Feeling Appetizer Platter”?
Seth Godin said this very succinctly in his blog post, “Irritation is a choice”
It’s a choice because you’re on this path by choice.
And it’s a choice because the act of being irritated involves the story we tell ourselves. People are rarely irritated by gravity, because gravity got here before us.
If you’re telling yourself a story that leads to you being irritated, you’re welcome to change your story.
So, how can we change the story we tell ourselves?
First – Become aware of your feeling state
Take the time to name it.
Savor that feeling bite and identify its flavors.
Breathe into it and accept it.
Press the pause button to allow the feeling to exist.
Catch it fast before a second feeling of shame washes over you and you begin to beat yourself up for feeling whatever it is that you are feeling.
If you already have that no good very bad feeling of shame or unworthiness, feel that too, and poke around for what’s underneath.
You can do this alone in writing AND you can do this with a close supportive friend or with a coach.
I highly recommend getting yourself out from under the rock you may have hid yourself under and share what you are feeling with a friend or a coach. Someone you trust that can listen without judging or fixing.
You want room to feel whatever it is that you are feeling.
“I feel irritated – and that’s OK.”
“I feel irritated – and I’m still lovable.”
Second — Find the story behind the feeling.
“I feel irritated….. because she does this, that & the other thing – over & over & over again.”
No doubt you have collected evidence that your story is true.
Third — Ask yourself if the story is working for you
What is the result of the story that your mind has created?
“She breaks her promise over & over & over.”
What actions do you take when you tell yourself that story?
And what do you get from those actions?
A closer relationship?
Or more disdain and distance?
Again – I encourage you to write this down OR talk with someone who will listen without judging or fixing.
It’s just a story your mind has made up.
Examine and share your mind’s story without judgement or shame.
Fourth – Consider that there may be another story to be told.
The situation and the circumstances remain the same.
She still did whatever she did. She said she would do this and instead she did that.
I can tell whatever story I want to tell.
My story creates the feelings I get to choose from the “Feeling Appetizer Plate”.
What do I want to feel?
Love.
Compassion.
Acceptance.
The circumstance is the same. She said she would do this. Instead she did that.
I can tell the story that she is a liar and is not to be trusted. She always lets me down.
OR I can let go of the tight grip of irritation and self-righteousness
AND open my heart to love and compassion.
Fifth —Let go of the story that’s no longer working for you and tell a new story with another feeling.
What do I want to feel?
Peace.
Love.
Joy.
Compassion.
I can tell a story that leaves me with peace, love and compassion.
“It was meant to happen the way it happened — because that’s how it happened.”
My new story includes the benefits for me of how it turned out the way it turned out.
I can allow the irritation to dissolve and transform into love and compassion with the new story.
You can do this too.
- Become aware of your feeling state
- Find the story behind the feeling
- Ask yourself if the story is working for you
- Consider that there may be a new story to be told
- Let go of the story that’s no longer working for you and tell a new story with another feeling
Become fully aware of the stories you have about your relationship or lack of relationship, your career, and your contribution to the world.
How you describe your birth, your upbringing, your relationships with your siblings and your parents.
It’s all story.
Is it true?
Is it working for you?
Share your current story with a trusted friend or coach.
Which stories do you want to re-write?
Form a group of like minded friends to examine, share and re-write your stories.
Today is the day.
Go out and practice.
Notice the story you are telling yourself right now.
Change your story.
Do you want to change the story you keep re-telling?
I can help.
Our first 1 hour exploratory conversation is free of charge.
Click here to schedule directly in my calendar.
OR
Send me 3 dates/times that work for you here and we will make it happen.
I help my clients examine and let go of the stories that no longer work for them. My clients create and live into new stories they want to tell.
Read how to work with me here.
by Heart Light Digital