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Learn How To Set and Maintain Your Boundaries

This is my gentle reminder to you.
Set and maintain your boundaries.

“No. Because I say so.”

I grew up as a habitual good girl and people-pleaser.

I didn’t know that I had the option to say, “No” – or “Yes” as I chose.

It wasn’t until I was well into my 30’s that I learned that I had the right to set a boundary and to say, “No, that’s the line. Don’t cross over it.”

My first boundary fences were flimsy.
People could easily push past and through my feeble protests.
Especially people I worked with.
Or people in authority.
And men.

Setting and creating boundaries was an area where I felt a lot of uncomfortable feelings: anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, resistance.

The whole experience of before, during and after was exhausting.

I soothed myself with food.

You might be doing that too.

It is possible to set clear boundaries -and maintain them – instead of eating to numb your feelings of what it’s like to have folks trample all over your wants & needs.

With practice you can build up your strength to maintain your boundaries.

Practice extreme self care – putting your wants, your needs – FIRST.

Remember the oxygen mask.
Before you are available to help others, you need to inhale from your own oxygen source.

Make room in your schedule for a regular self-care routine.

Journal.
Yoga.
Draw.
Garden.
Swim.
Take naps in a hammock.
Do whatever nourishes your soul.

Nourish yourself first so you have the strength to clearly set and maintain your boundaries.

Then practice stating your boundaries with authority. Expect your words to be heard and followed.
You have the right to say no. Just because you say so.

TIPS for Setting & Maintaining Boundaries:

1. Know WHAT you want. Know what YOU want more than what you know the other person wants. You may need to settle in and ask yourself – “What DO I want?” Feel it in your body. Are you a YES or a NO?

2. BELIEVE that you have the right to want whatever it is YOU want – or don’t want. No need to defend what you want. You want it because you want it. You don’t want it because you don’t want it. Period.

3. Use your words. Keep them simple. Form your words as a statement – not a question. Be prepared to repeat them in a broken record fashion. Stay calm.

4. Give a clear straight message. ALIGN your body and face with your words and actions. Follow your words with your actions. “If you (cross the boundary) I will do this (leave, call the police, withhold payment, etc).”

It took me A LOT of practice to build sturdy boundaries where I am a firm gatekeeper who gives permission yes or no – allowing or preventing entrance as I choose.

3 Stages of Setting Boundaries

Stage 1 – No Boundaries.  People have their way with you. You work longer and harder than others – at home and at the office. You are the friend that is always helping and doing for others while your house needs cleaning and your yard needs mowing.

Stage 2 – Weak Boundaries. You say no and people push through anyway.

Stage 3 – Strong Boundaries. You calmly state your wants and needs. People respect your words. They make requests and follow your lead.

Do you want help with this?
Learn to know what YOU want.
Set boundaries with confidence.
Let go of the fear, self-doubt and anxiety.

This is the work we do in my year long Big & Bold program where we stop “over-ing” and start living Big & Bold.

It can be done and you can do it.
I’ll show you how.

When you are ready to start being fully present in your own life,
to start loving your partner again,
to advance in your career,
and to express your authentic self in the world.

When you are ready to make the change from opting out to tapping in –
you belong inside my Big & Bold program.

In this year long program we will go from where you are now – (“over-ing” somewhere, somehow in order not to feel your feelings) to where you want to be (loving your life, the people in it and your self).

Yes, you can do this on your own.

But I can get you there A LOT faster, with more playfulness and laughter, with a lot less drama – and zero will power.

I’ve got this.
I’ve been there.
I know what works. And what doesn’t.

Click her to sign up for a consult call to have a conversation to see if Big & Bold is for you.

Let’s get your dream life started. Take the Big & Bold step forward.

Today is the day.
Go out and practice.
“No. Because I say so.”

Set and maintain your boundaries.

Let’s get started!
Click here now to schedule your consult call to see if Big & Bold is for you.

If you are liking these weekly emails, please share with a friend (or three friends) right now.  Invite them to join my email list right here. Thank you.

Whenever you are ready, here are three things that you can do to learn more:
1. Check out the Gail Tremblay Life Coaching Facebook Page.
2. Contact me directly with any questions you might have. I promise to get back to you within 24 hours.
3. Sign up here for a free 60 minute Discovery Call. Discover how coaching with me can get you unstuck and back in forward motion.

Most important. Take care of you.

Here are 5 easy suggestions:
1. Get enough sleep. Establish a bedtime routine and follow it. 

2. Get outside every day. Rain or shine. Take a walk.
3. Appreciate what is wonderful in the world. Write 3 things you are grateful for every day.
4. Get a buddy. Call them every day. Ask how they are and what they are feeling. Ask them if they need anything.
5. Give yourself a pleasure treat. Pick yourself some flowers. Take a nap. Read a novel. Do anything you want – just for the fun of it. 

With all my love.
From my heart to yours.
Gail

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gail tremblay

Gail Tremblay

I help men & women who feel lonely & discouraged in their marriages feel connected with their spouses again.

Schedule a Free Discovery Call with me today.